Tiny Satans with Telephones

It is said that when fighting monsters that it is important that you do not become one (or something like that). The monsters I speak of are telemarketers, the annoying parasites that flood your call log with their constant calling in an effort to try and sell you something, or trap you into a monthly subscription for US Weekly. After the first few issues of nothing but Kardashian nonsense, you realized that you made a terrible, TERRIBLE mistake. No one needs to keep up that much. No one!

Their persistence is the worst trait they have, especially if the unsuspecting caller doesn’t have the courage or the “no f***s given” attitude to just hang up in their faces. These demon spawns in headsets are the worst! Specifically, the collectors. Treacherous little sale minions with nasty attitudes and even nastier telephone manner. Ever heard of getting more bees with honey? Well, obviously vinegar is their product of choice. These employers made damn sure to hire the vicious of the vicious. The tactics of these telemarketers reminds me of the same tactics my RDC’s in Great Lakes did to recruits in bootcamp. There, they would berate and break down the recruits with the efforts in hopefully try and build them back up again. Unfortunately, they forgot the part about building the person back up and pretty much left them down there.

Telemarketers are the worst! It is best to avoid them at all cost. They are pretty easy to spot with the “1-888” and “1-866” numbers. Nowadays they have gotten clever and use actually area codes. My advice to anyone is that if it is not an area code from your local or adjacent areas, do not answer. I always ignore numbers I don’t know. No one can blame me for my experience with the telemarketers for they were not positive ones. Usually they would come off as extremely aggressive and rude. A few exchanges of profane words depending on the mood. Who created these demon spawns? What vile creatures they are.

My opinions remained pretty solid when it came to these telelmarketers…until I become the person to whom I despise—a telemarketer. Say what?! Say yes. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing and doing this blog thing, but I cannot live off it…yet. Mama has bills to pay and mouths to feed. To be honest, being a telemarketer is the last thing I wanted to be; however, with two little ones who are depending on you, you have to make sacrifices. Horrible, horrible sacrifices. Initially, my concern was being paid commission only. NO! If life depended on commissions I would have starved right out of the womb. Fortunately, this job was not the case. Hourly based pay? Say what? Say yes. Heck, I have a nice telephone voice. Since I was little my family always made me the one to call the pizza restaurant to order. All I needed to do was set my best uppity, proper voice to a short pitch about the company’s product and what they have to offer. Blah, blah, blah, and all that jazz. Once that was mastered, then come the leads (cold calls) with random strangers’ names and addresses. If I was a serial killer—AND I’M NOT—this would be the best job. I don’t know how the computer or what person generated that information nor do I care. And then, the calling to those unsuspecting strangers. Dun, dun, DUN!

The first few calls were nerve-wrecking, but after eight hours of being hanged up on, cursed out, and yelled at…I completely lost my damn mind. Never in my twenty-something years of living have I ever felt so rejected. One elderly man actually answered the phone and greeting me by telling me to go to hell. Subtle. One lady told me that she had the runs in order to rush me off the phone.  Many did not speak English; therefore, they didn’t want to be bothered. A bit disheartening and not being about to meet your goals in leads due to other people’s disinterest is very discouraging. I was basically calling and trying to sell myself, acting as though I cared about the product when I could care less. Exhaustion and a bit of rage took over me by lunch. The junior salesman told me that persistence is key; always have a rebuttal. Very hard to have a rebuttal when someone hangs up two seconds after you asking how they are. Tedious work it is, but with all the talk of bonuses and commission with each product they sell, one can understand why these people are relentlessly annoying. Money was the motivation. That and coffee (preferably hazelnut creamer and pure sugar) for it could get me through the days.

The first week was as slow as a heavily sedated turtle. What an eye-opener to be able to see things from both ends of the phone. I was that aggravated recipient who doesn’t want to be sold anything and also the tiny satan with a telephone trying to get you to listen to the entire pitch. I was the one who couldn’t give two s***s about it all and I respect the person who is only trying to do their job. IT ALL SUCKS!!!

The world of telemarketing is a stressful place. It is place to sympathize for those you give you hell for you might be the one giving it right back to them. My suggestion? Next time you get a call from these vulgar computer dialing sons of b****es, before you hang up in their faces as they discuss products you don’t give a damn about, just simply tell them that you understand. With all the confusion, they would forget the exact thing they called you for in the first place. Like that movie with Helen Hunt and that boy from the movie about seeing dead people, it is best to just pay it forward… and hope they never call you again.


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