Duck, Duck, GOOSE ASSASSIN!!
Geese are interesting creatures. Any expert on geese—which I am far from—can tell you the importance of team work in which geese display. Random fact I learned recently is when a goose falls out of formation with the other geese due to resistance and drag of flying solo, the single goose will gain lifting power from the other geese in front. HOOYAH TEAMWORK! Other traits that geese seem to possess is the emotion of empathy and the capability of understanding (Get it together humans!). Apparently when a goose is sick, there will be two geese who will fall out of the flying formation and follow the ill goose to the ground where they will help and protect him from further harm. I can’t even get my daughter to bring me a roll of toilet paper!
Geese are freaking AMAZING…….
…………….is what I would say if I hadn’t read this story.
The place, Houston, Texas. The victim, a precious five-year-old girl. The suspect, A GOOSE ASSASSIN! The incident happened on Sunday, May 1. A young lady by the named of Stevie tweeted pictures of her five-year-old sister, Summer’s horrific encounter with a rather aggressive goose. Not only has this little girl been scarred for life, she now has to be reminded of the attack until the end of time thanks to the immortalized internet. “Thanks, Big Sis! I hope my suffering brought you many likes and retweets” (obvious sarcasm, I kid
Apparently, the neighbor who took the pictures was initially taking pictures of the goose being chased by Summer and a few other people. I guess all of the sudden, the goose had a “Kanye West moment” and decided that he had enough of the paparazzi and fight back. Unfortunately for Summer, she was the slowest one. Slow and steady…. gets you beaten by an alar killer. Though the little girl was unharmed, her older sister stated that she is now terrified of going outside. I DON’T BLAME HER! It only takes one flying assassin to attack me for me to become a hermit; a flock of feathered demon spawn.
I’m not going to lie, I would probably laugh initially (I have a problem), but after about a minute or two of obnoxious, loud laughter, the goose and I would have to square up. Poor Summer. Now she has to seek her revenge. I mean, it is only right. In my mind, I’m picturing this little girl in her room writing her “Kill List”. She is ready to kill every type of bird ON SIGHT! Summer will be the only person in history to find where the baby pigeons are hidden only to annihilate them all. Every time she sees Donald Duck or Daffy Duck on the TV, she’ll have flashbacks. Her mother will never be able to read the “Ugly Duckling” book to her again. This little girl will be a frequent customer at Chik-fil-a and KFC just to be spiteful.
I also have to wonder, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DANG GOOSE? Was he detained? Did anyone file a police report? Why hasn’t this goose been brought to justice? Evidently, there is a flying feathered assassins lurking around the streets of Houston awaiting his next prey. Where is Duck Dynasty? Elmer Fudd? Can someone get the number for Ace Ventura, Pet Detective? Something has to be done.
Summer, keep your head up…..and your arms protecting your face.